Awareness
Day 3 - Domestic Violence
Staying Safe/Having a Plan
IF YOU ARE NOT IN THE RELATIONSHIP
- Change your phone number and other contact information.
- Consider getting a restraining/protective order. Speak to an advocate and find out if that is a good option for you—every situation is different.
- Screen your calls.
- Save and document all contact, messages, injuries, or other incidents involving the abuser.
- Change your locks.
- Avoid being alone.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by the abuser.
- If you have to meet the abuser do it in a public place.
- Vary your routine.
- If you have a restraining or protective order, always have a copy with you. Leave a copy at work. If you have children, leave a copy at your children’s school and every place your children might spend time (childcare center, grandparents, friends, etc.).
- Find out if there is a domestic violence response policy at your work place and ask questions if you don't understand how it works.
- Consider joining a support group at a local domestic violence program.
When leaving an abusive relationship, it is important to take with you the documents that you will need to get the resources and help you will require. You will need your driver's license, passport, and birth certificate to verify your identity. Other important documents you will need include: social security cards (for yourself and any children), leases and deeds (that have your name attached), credit and debit cards, pay stubs, w-2s, insurance policies, bank statements, and check books. Also, take any documentation that you might have about the abuse including pictures, recordings, medical records, and police reports. Never take the risk of being alone with the abuser when retrieving your things; ask for a police escort or bring friends with you.
This was taken from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website:
http://www.ncadv.org/learn-more/get-help/planning-ahead
Safety Plan
Safety during an explosive incident
- If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area that has access to an exit and not in a bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere near weapons.
- Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, or stairwell would be best.
- Have an extra set of keys and a packed bag ready; keep them in an undisclosed but accessible place in order to leave quickly.
- Identify a neighbor you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.
- Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police.
- Decide and plan for where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don't think you will need to).
- Use your instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger.
- Always remember: YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HIT OR THREATENED!
Safety when preparing to leave
- Open a checking and/or savings account in your own name to begin to establish or increase your independence. Rent a post office box to receive any mail which may not be safe to receive at home. Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence.
- Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents and extra clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly.
- Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you some money.
- Keep New Hope for Women's number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls. Remember: you can call New Hope for Women collect 24 hours a day. [Note for those not in Maine: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233]
- Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer. REMEMBER, LEAVING IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME.
Safety in your own home
- Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows. [Note: Check with your local police department, laws vary and it could be extra time and money spent if the laws are NOT in your favor.]
- Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
- Inform your children's school, day care, etc., about who has permission to pick up your children. [Note: Please check with your school’s policy! Put it in writing and have the school sign your request along with the signatures of who is permitted to get your children.]
- Inform neighbor and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him near your home.
Safety on the job and in public
- Decide who at work you will inform of your situation. This should include office or building security (provide a picture of your batterer if possible).
- Arrange to have someone screen your telephone calls if possible.
- Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car. Use a variety of routes to go home by if possible. Know where your police station is and drive to it if necessary.
Safety with a Protection from Abuse order (PFA)
- Keep your PFA on you at all times. (When you change your purse, that should be the first thing that goes in it.)
- Call the police if your partner breaks the PFA in any way.
- Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right way.
- Inform family, friends, neighbors, and teachers, that you have a PFA in effect. Tell them any relevant details of the order (who has custody, when and where does visitation take place, etc.).
Note: Legal documentation to protect you have different names depending on what state you live in; please seek legal advice from one of the many resources listed in Day 1.
Your safety and emotional health
- If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.
- If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so.
- Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs.
- Read books, articles, and poems to help you feel stronger. Keep a journal.
- Decide who you can call to talk freely and openly to give you the support you need.
- Plan to attend one of New Hope for Women's support groups to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
Other safety tips
Use your car keys for safety
If you suspect that you are being stalked by an abuser or by anyone you can use your car keys as a safety mechanism if you have one of the panic buttons with your keys. Keep your keys by the bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.
This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you already have and requires no installation. Test it. In most cases it will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key chain.
It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are they won't stick around. After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the stalker.
And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there.
Checklist - What you need to take when you leave
Don't want to print this entire page just to have the checklist?
After you click on the download link you can print the list by clicking the printer icon or by selecting File > Print in your browser window.
Don't have Adobe Reader?
- ____ Identification
- ____ Driver's license and registration
- ____ Children's birth certificates
- ____ Your birth certificate
- ____ Money
- ____ Lease, rental agreement, deed
- ____ Bank books
- ____ Checkbooks
- ____ Credit cards
- ____ Insurance papers
- ____ Keys - house/car/office
- ____ Medications
- ____ Medical Records
- ____ Social Security card
- ____ Welfare identification
- ____ School records
- ____ Divorce papers
- ____ Address book
- ____ Small saleable objects
- ____ Jewelry
- ____ Pictures
- ____ Children's small toys
- ____ Work permits
- ____ Green card
- ____ Passport
- ____ Personal treasures
- ____ Other
If you are a teen in a violent dating relationship
- Decide which friend, teacher, relative, or police officer you can tell.
- Contact the victim/witness advocate to decide how to obtain a Protection from Abuse order (PFA) or Protection from Harassment order (PFH).
- Call New Hope for Women for crisis counseling and help in making a safety plan. There may be ongoing support groups in your school.
If your abuser is serving time at Two Bridges Jail (Maine)
You may wish to be notified prior to your abuser's release date if your abuser is serving a sentence at Two Bridges Jail. To facilitate this process, you can fill out this form located on their website.
New Hope for Women is located in Maine (USA)
If you are in Midcoast Maine in Sagadahoc, Lincoln, Knox and Waldo counties, New Hope for Women is here to help by calling our toll-free number at 1-800-522-3304, visiting our ‘Contact’ page, or stopping by any of our Midcoast offices.
If you are not from the Midcoast Maine area, here are some resources that may be of help to you: the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence at 1-866-83-4HELP or via the web at www.mcedv.org or the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233 or via the web at www.thehotline.org.
It cannot be stressed enough, it you are in immediate danger, call 911 (or the emergency number for your area/country). This information provided is not to be used in place of contacting someone, local agency, or resource to get help…above everything else, please stay safe!
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