Day6-ChildSexualAbuse-NoMoreSilenceEndAbuse

Day 6 - Awareness

Child Sexual Abuse

From RAINN website:

Child Sexual Abuse

When a perpetrator intentionally harms a minor physically, psychologically, sexually, or by acts of neglect, the crime is known as child abuse. This page focuses specifically on child sexual abuse and the warning signs that this crime may be occurring.

What is child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse that includes sexual activity with a minor. A child cannot consent to any form of sexual activity, period. When a perpetrator engages with a child this way, they are committing a crime that can have lasting effects on the victim for years. Child sexual abuse does not need to include physical contact between a perpetrator and a child. Some forms of child sexual abuse include:

• Exhibitionism, or exposing oneself to a minor
• Fondling
• Intercourse
• Masturbation in the presence of a minor or forcing the minor to masturbate
• Obscene phone calls, text messages, or digital interaction
• Producing, owning, or sharing pornographic images or movies of children
• Sex of any kind with a minor, including vaginal, oral, or anal
• Sex trafficking
• Any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a child's mental, emotional, or physical welfare

What do perpetrators of child sexual abuse look like?

The majority of perpetrators are someone the child or family knows. As many as 93 percent of victims under the age of 18 know the abuser. A perpetrator does not have to be an adult to harm a child. They can have any relationship to the child including an older sibling or playmate, family member, a teacher, a coach or instructor, a caretaker, or the parent of another child. According to 1 in 6, “[Child] sexual abuse is the result of abusive behavior that takes advantage of a child’s vulnerability and is in no way related to the sexual orientation of the abusive person.”

Abusers can manipulate victims to stay quiet about the sexual abuse using a number of different tactics. Often an abuser will use their position of power over the victim to coerce or intimidate the child. They might tell the child that the activity is normal or that they enjoyed it. An abuser may make threats if the child refuses to participate or plans to tell another adult. Child sexual abuse is not only a physical violation; it is a violation of trust and/or authority.

How can I protect my child from sexual abuse?

A big part of protecting your child is about creating a dialogue. Read more to learn about creating this dialogue and keeping your child safe.

• Talk to Your Child if You Suspect Sexual Abuse
• Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse

What are the warning signs?

Child sexual abuse isn’t always easy to spot. The perpetrator could be someone you’ve known a long time or trust, which may make it even harder to notice. Consider the following warning signs:

Physical signs:

• Bleeding, bruises, or swelling in genital area
• Bloody, torn, or stained underclothes
• Difficulty walking or sitting
• Frequent urinary or yeast infections
• Pain, itching, or burning in genital area

Behavioral signs:

• Changes in hygiene, such as refusing to bathe or bathing excessively
• Develops phobias
• Exhibits signs of depression or post-traumatic stress disorder
• Expresses suicidal thoughts, especially in adolescents
• Has trouble in school, such as absences or drops in grades
• Inappropriate sexual knowledge or behaviors
• Nightmares or bed-wetting
• Overly protective and concerned for siblings, or assumes a caretaker role
• Returns to regressive behaviors, such as thumb sucking
• Runs away from home or school
• Self-harms
• Shrinks away or seems threatened by physical contact

Where can I get help?

• If you want to talk to someone anonymously, call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 800.4.A.CHILD (422-4453), any time 24/7.
• Learn more about being an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
• To speak with someone who is trained to help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.

Talking to Your Kids About Sexual Assault

It can be stressful to plan a big safety talk about sexual assault with your kid. The good news is, you don’t have to. Conversations about sexual assault can be a part of the safety conversations you’re already having, like knowing when to speak up, how to take care of friends, and listening to your gut. The key is to start these conversations when your kids are young, and have these conversations often.

Start conversations about safety when your kids are young

Teach young children the language they need to talk about their bodies and information about boundaries to help them understand what is allowed and what is inappropriate. These lessons help them know when something isn’t right and give them the power to speak up.

• Teach children the names of their body parts. When children have the words to describe their body parts, they may find it easier to ask questions and express concerns about those body parts.
• Some parts of the body are private. Let children know that other people shouldn’t touch or look at them. If a healthcare professional has to examine these parts of the body, be present.
• It’s OK to say “no.” It’s important to let children know they are allowed to say “no” to touches that make them uncomfortable. This message isn’t obvious to children, who are often taught to be obedient and follow the rules. Support your child if they say no, even if it puts you in an uncomfortable position. For example, if your child doesn't want to hug someone at a family gathering, respect their decision to say “no” to this contact.
• Talk about secrets. Perpetrators will often use secret-keeping to manipulate children. Let children know they can always talk to you, especially if they’ve been told to keep a secret. If they see someone touching another child, they shouldn’t keep this secret, either. Learn more about protecting a child from sexual assault.
• Reassure them that they won’t get in trouble. Young children often fear getting in trouble or upsetting their parents by asking questions or talking about their experiences. Be a safe place for your child to share information about things that they have questions about or that make them uncomfortable. Remind them they won’t be punished for sharing this information with you.
• Show them what it looks like to do the right thing. It could be as simple as helping an elderly person get off a bus or picking up change that someone has dropped on the ground. When you model helping behavior it signals to your child that this is a normal, positive way to behave.
• When they come to you, make time for them. If your kid comes to you with something they feel is important, take the time to listen. Give them your undivided attention, and let them know you take their concerns seriously. They may be more likely to come to you in the future if they know their voice will be heard.

Continue to engage teens in safety conversations

It’s important to create a dialogue about topics like safety and sexual assault with your teen. Consider these conversation starters to engage them in conversation.

• Use the media to make it relevant. Ask your teen’s opinion on something happening on social media, in the news, in a new movie, or on a popular TV show. You could even watch an episode with them and ask follow up questions. Asking their opinion shows them that you value their point of view and opens up the door for more conversation.
• Use your own experience to tell a safety story. Sharing your own experiences can make these conversations relevant and feel more real to teens. If you don’t have an experience you feel comfortable sharing, you can tell a story about someone you know.
• Talk about caring for their friends — not just about their own behavior. Talking about how to be a good friend can be a powerful way of expressing to your teen that you trust them to do the right thing without sounding like you’re targeting their personal behavior. It also gives you the chance to communicate safety practices they may not otherwise be receptive to.
• Talk about sexual assault directly. For some teens, safety issues like sexual assault aren’t on the radar. On the other hand, they may have misconceptions about sexual assault they’ve picked up from peers or the media. Bring up statistics that relate to them, such as the fact that 93 percent of victims who are minors know the perpertrator [sic]. Explain that no one “looks like a rapist,” and that seven out of 10 instances of sexual assault are committed by someone known to the victim.

How Can I Protect My Child From Sexual Assault?

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Sexual abuse can happen to children of any race, socioeconomic group, religion or culture. There is no foolproof way to protect children from sexual abuse, but there are steps you can take to reduce this risk. If something happens to your child, remember that the perpetrator is to blame—not you and especially not the child. Below you’ll find some precautions you can take to help protect the children in your life.

If your child is in immediate danger, don’t hesitate to call 911. If you aren’t sure of the situation but you suspect the child is being harmed, you can take steps to gauge the situation and put an end to the abuse.

Be involved in the child’s life.

Being actively involved in a child’s life can make warning signs of child sexual abuse more obvious and help the child feel more comfortable coming to you if something isn’t right. If you see or hear something that causes concern, you can take action to protect your child.

• Show interest in their day-to-day lives. Ask them what they did during the day and who they did it with. Who did they sit with at lunchtime? What games did they play after school? Did they enjoy themselves?
• Get to know the people in your child’s life. Know who your child is spending time with, including other children and adults. Ask your child about the kids they go to school with, the parents of their friends, and other people they may encounter, such as teammates or coaches. Talk about these people openly and ask questions so that your child can feel comfortable doing the same.
• Choose caregivers carefully. Whether it’s a babysitter, a new school, or an afterschool activity, be diligent about screening caregivers for your child.
• Talk about the media. Incidents of sexual violence are frequently covered by the news and portrayed in television shows. Ask your child questions about this coverage to start a conversation. Questions like, “Have you ever heard of this happening before?” or “What would you do if you were in this situation?” can signal to your child that these are important issues that they can talk about with you. Learn more about talking to your kids about sexual assault.
• Know the warning signs. Become familiar with the warning signs of child sexual abuse, and notice any changes with your child, no matter how small. Whether it’s happening to your child or a child you know, you have the potential to make a big difference in that person’s life by stepping in.

Encourage children to speak up.

When someone knows that their voice will be heard and taken seriously, it gives them the courage to speak up when something isn’t right. You can start having these conversations with your children as soon as they begin using words to talk about feelings or emotions. Don’t worry if you haven't started conversations around these topics with your child—it is never too late.

• Teach your child about boundaries. Let your child know that no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable — this includes hugs from grandparents or even tickling from mom or dad. It is important to let your child know that their body is their own. Just as importantly, remind your child that they do not have the right to touch someone else if that person does not want to be touched.
• Teach your child how to talk about their bodies. From an early age, teach your child the names of their body parts. Teaching a child these words gives them the ability to come to you when something is wrong. Learn more about talking to children about sexual assault.
• Be available. Set time aside to spend with your child where they have your undivided attention. Let your child know that they can come to you if they have questions or if someone is talking to them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. If they do come to you with questions or concerns, follow through on your word and make the time to talk.
• Let them know they won’t get in trouble. Many perpetrators use secret-keeping or threats as a way of keeping children quiet about abuse. Remind your child frequently that they will not get in trouble for talking to you, no matter what they need to say. When they do come to you, follow through on this promise and avoid punishing them for speaking up.
• Give them the chance to raise new topics. Sometimes asking direct questions like, “Did you have fun?” and “Was it a good time?” won’t give you the answers you need. Give your child a chance to bring up their own concerns or ideas by asking open-ended questions like “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

The RAINN website:  www.rainn.org has a wealth of information and links to resources, just a few more topics that you can view later or click on the links now are below:

Evaluating Caregivers - There are steps you can take to evaluate caregivers, such as babysitters or nursing homes, to reduce the risk of something happening to your loved one.

If Your Child May Be Harming Another Child - If you suspect or know that your child has acted inappropriately or hurt another child, it is imperative that you take steps to ensure the safety of others.

What Is a Sex Offender Registry? - The National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW) allows you to search convicted offenders in every state, territory, and tribal area.

Help for Parents of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused by Family Members - It’s important to find a way to manage your feelings, so you can focus on creating a safe environment for your child that is free from harm, judgment, and blame.

To speak with someone who is trained to help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.

It cannot be stressed enough, it you are in immediate danger, call 911 (or the emergency number for your area/country). This information provided is not to be used in place of contacting someone, local agency, or resource to get help…above everything else, please stay safe!